You can't chase worth: You're born worthy

I like to think of my life as a game of Chutes and Ladders (see below if you have never played)

It’s so fun and exciting when you are climbing ladder after ladder and experiencing so much growth. Yesterday, I got to that one square where the huge giant chute is and quickly slipped back near the beginning of the board game after my doctor’s appointment. (Don’t worry – I am totally fine health wise) At my appointment, I specifically asked not to be weighed or talk about weight as I have struggled with disordered eating and I don’t think that these are the only indicators to be used to determine health. Shout out to Katie Sturino, her book Body Talk, and her podcast Boob Sweat, which have all helped me finally feel comfortable saying this to my doctor. There are so many other ways to determine health – weight should NOT be the only thing! As you can guess, I was weighed & forced to have a whole conversation about my weight and which diet I should try next, especially with my wedding coming up in a little over a year. As someone who is a hyper-achiever, diets don’t work for me. I know myself well enough that I can easily slip into the mindset that if I’m not a certain weight, I’m not worthy of love. It has happened multiple times in the past and I’m not allowing myself to fall into that trap this time.

After my appointment, I was really upset and having a hard time mentally. I drove to the pond near my house afterwards to clear my head because my hyper-achiever voice was starting to convince myself that the doctor was right and that I needed to lose weight in order to be happy for my wedding and loved by everyone around me. I called two close friends of mine who both listened to my story and provided me with so much support, love, and compassion. It was the proof my brain needed to shut up – these two incredible friends accepted me the way I was today and that was enough for the voice in my head to get put on mute. Weight is just a number at the end of the day and I know how challenging it can be to not base your worth off that number but know that you are worthy of love no matter what the damn scale or doctor says! You are born worthy.