{ The beautiful yoga studio I attend, hosts a full moon circle every month filled with meditation, free write journaling, and tarot readings. This is what I wrote during a free writing session, the last circle with the full moon entering Leo (which is a playful childlike sign for all my non-zodiac friends). I hope you enjoy it as much as I did writing it!}
Prompt: When I was a child...
When I was a child, I loved the beach and pretending I was a mermaid in the sea. I loved the sun, the moon, and all the stars. I loved being outside, lungs filled with fresh air. I loved being a helper, a teacher, a coach, and an older sister. I was careless, messy, loud, and creative.
When I was a child, I took art classes where I would leave with more paint on my body & clothes than the canvases. I wasn't good & stopped attending classes given it didn't seem like the activity for little messy me.
And what's funny is that today, I paint. I paint a lot actually and still, finish my art sessions covered in paint. You'd think I would have "learned" to be a cleaner painter as an adult, nope. And I guess that's it. We grow up and pick up on things, like the "shoulds" and we follow them because they seem to be the only lighted path for us.
Who would want to travel into a dark and unknown forest? When I was laid off, I was tossed immediately into this forest with a 10-week-old puppy with no choice but to explore. My husband was back at work given the school year just started, so it was just me & the pup all day alone together.
I kept running towards that lighted path - the one telling me that I needed a 6 figure corporate job or I was a failure. unworthy. unlovable.
I would get so close to the edge of that path but was never able to get back onto it. It felt as if forces were holding me back. Forces that knew that path wasn't for me anymore.
I sat for a long time, almost 4 months to be exact in that dark, mysterious, place and allowed myself to work out which way I was going to venture on before making any more sudden moves.
I attended several full moon meditation events, many yoga classes, therapy sessions, and coaching sessions where I consistently went inward and asked that young, messy, creative, loud girl who I once was what she wanted to do next. She was carefree and my current ideas were clouded by "shoulds" so I hoped she had a better idea.
Trusting myself & the universe has been my intention for this year and the second I started trusting that things were going to work out, lights began to flicker on, in my dark forest. The flickering got brighter as I let go of the idea that I was going back to that path I knew so well. Finally, I was able to see the direction I was meant to go in.
Today, I am proudly marching to the beat of my own drum, briefcase in hand, fairy wings behind me down the dark forest path with glimmering lights surrounding me as I know what I want & finally feel brave enough to go after it.
Now, I am toying around with the idea of getting her tattooed on my body because I am careless, messy, loud, and creative. I love the beach and pretending I am a mermaid in the sea. I love the sun, the moon, and all the stars. I love being outside, with my lungs full of fresh air. I love being a helper, a teacher, a coach, and an older sister. I am a magical fairy, marching forward with a briefcase in hand because I am off to officially go all in on my coaching business, and I am glimmering because this is the path that I should be on, and it's not one people usually take. It's dark, unknown, and kind of scary, but my glimmers keep me marching on.
Namaste ✌🏻
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