*Trigger warning (suicidal ideation, self-harm)
April is PMDD Awareness Month so, I guess now would be the perfect time to share this post. This was a hard one for me to write and it's even harder for me to share but, I only learned about PMDD through other women sharing their own stories so I hope that I can help at least one woman out there by speaking up.
First off, what is PMDD?! PMDD stands for Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder.
The International Association for Premenstrual Disorders organization states that "PMDD is a cyclical, hormone-based mood disorder with symptoms arising during the premenstrual, or luteal phase of the menstrual cycle and subsiding within a few days of menstruation. It affects an estimated 5.5% of women and AFAB individuals of reproductive age. While PMDD is directly connected to the menstrual cycle, it is not a hormone imbalance. PMDD is a severe negative reaction in the brain to the natural rise and fall of estrogen and progesterone."
PMDD affects about 1 in 20 women of childbearing age in the United States but there have been recent estimates that have found that this number is closer to 1 in 12 women because so many women with PMDD often are misdiagnosed or told it's just PMS... I can tell you from my own experience it is far worse than PMS!
So what does PMDD look like? For me, it is all the PMS symptoms with the addition of suicidal ideation.
Smash your head against the floor, just do it!
Walk into the ocean and just keep going - don't stop, don't look back!
Notice how XXX hasn't texted you in a while, yeah that is because they don't like you!
Your therapist & coach think you are a burden - help yourself for once and stop being lazy!
You are the worst.
These are real thoughts my brain has had when I am experiencing PMDD. It is a brutal experience which is why I haven't blogged about it in detail yet. I have written about my PMDD on Linkedin a few times but writing a longer post about it has been challenging and scary as this is a super stigmatized issue. Not only is it a mental health issue but it is connected to a woman's menstrual cycle - like hello stigma! 👋🏻
Sharing my story on Linkedin has connected me with so many other women who also struggle with PMDD which has been so beautiful. I cannot tell you the sense of relief that rushes over me when I explain my PMDD symptoms to someone who "gets it"! Even doctors who are medically trained in this sometimes don't fully get it - it's tricky!
Another reason why I share my story is that I didn't know what PMDD was a year ago! What's even wilder is that, I don't think I would have ever known about it if it wasn't for my coach and therapist.
During one of my coaching sessions, my coach brought it up to me that she noticed that during the last week of every month, I seemed way more depressed than any other week. I didn't know how to process this new information, so I brought it up to my therapist and she asked if I thought it was PMDD. Now, I had never even heard of PMDD until she asked me that question so now, I felt even more confused!
She sent me a list of the common symptoms... almost all of them applied to me. I then started to look back in my journal and the messages I had sent to both my therapist and coach over the months prior and BOTH of them were right. At least 1 week each month, I would fall into extreme depression and feel completely out of control of my emotions AND it happened to be the SAME week each month!!!
In my opinion, the worst feeling in the world is feeling alone followed by feeling "crazy" and reading the description of PMDD online instantly made those two emotions diminish. However, they quickly turned into fear and anxiety because I now needed to figure out what my options were to prevent this cycle from happening.
I took the next few months to track all my emotions and feelings to better understand how PMDD was showing up in my life. After 3 months of tracking, it was so clear that this was a real issue for me. I found an ob-gyn who specialized in PMDD (super lucky & blessed about this) and was able to bring all my tracking information to her. She immediately validated that this was PMDD. That again was another rush of relief that, I am not alone in this.
Funny story - she asked me during this appointment if I had ADHD as many women who have PMDD also have ADHD. I wasn't diagnosed with ADHD at the time but that is what kicked off my ADHD journey and lead to my ADHD diagnosis.
This past year has been a wild ride! I have learned what PMDD is, how it shows up in my life, and how to best manage it on top of my ADHD diagnosis. I have tried a bunch of things out and finally, last month found a medication that works for my PMDD!! My symptoms aren't gone 100% but, it has become so much more manageable for me. I am not at all a doctor so what works for me might not work for you so, I highly recommend working with a medical professional (ob-gyn, psychiatrist, and/or PCP) to help you with finding a solution that works for you!
I have hesitated to share my own story because you don't see many people openly talking about this online AND I am still learning about my own PMDD and how it shows up in my own life. Sure, it happens every month but it still catches me off guard from time to time.
Not too long ago, I spoke to another woman who has PMDD, and being able to share our stories, experiences, diagnosis, and what's worked felt like a breath of fresh air. I felt so seen on that call that I cried immediately after hanging up!
1 in 20 women have PMDD but it is more likely that this number is 1 in 12 due to it being misdiagnosed
85% of individuals who have PMDD experience thoughts of suicide
30% of those with PMDD will attempt suicide
Speaking up about my PMDD experience is suicide awareness and I will continue to share my story to make sure that any woman with PMDD knows she is not alone!
For more info on PMDD check out: https://iapmd.org/ as they have a ton of INCREDIBLE resources! (stats above all come from IAPMD)
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