Burden. I hate this word.
I hate how every time I hear it used by someone else, I am reminded that I still very much struggle with this feeling.
The feeling of being a burden is heavy.
You want to share how you are feeling with others but you don't want to bring them down with you. When you have depression, this burden feeling can make isolation feel like the only option. It's a feeling that so many have felt but few talk about.
In the past two weeks, I have found myself struggling a lot with a lot of mixed emotions. I have typed out texts but have not sent them due to that lingering burden feeling. I have found myself not sharing how I am truly feeling or doing because I don't want my mood to impact others. But guess what this is...PEOPLE PLEASING at its' finest!!
When I keep my feelings to myself it is because I want to control how those around me feel and guess what, that is completely out of my control. I can't control how someone feels at the end of the day. I also can't control if people find me to be a burden or not. The people pleaser inside me hates this loss of control - she's a stubborn girl!
I feel like a burden from time to time, and I, like you am a work in progress. What's helped me a lot is asking, friends and family before I start sharing if they are in a mood to chat about some heavy things that have been bothering me. If they say, yes - that permission helps my brain accept that I am not a burden. If I ask and they say yes, and change their mind after I share - that is on them not me. If they don't feel comfortable continuing the conversation it is on them to set that boundary with me. I can't read their mind, in the same way, I can't control their feelings.
Another thing that has helped me is knowing that if ANY of my friends or family was struggling, I would want to know! I would want them to feel comfortable to come to me and feel like they have a safe place to be heard. Treating myself in the same way I treat my friends and family is critical when it comes to this "burden" feeling.
If you can relate to any of this, know you aren't alone but also know that you aren't a burden. Find someone you love and let them in! Being a burden isn't the issue - the issue is getting comfortable with being vulnerable with those you love! ❤️
Comments