Have you ever read a book and thought to yourself, HOLY S**T this is exactly how I feel? I am currently reading Brené Brown’s book, Gifts of Imperfection, and I think I have highlighted a quote on every single page because it is so relatable to everything I have been personally working on for the past several months. The book focuses a lot on showing up as your authentic self which is the reason why I created this blog in the first place. I wanted to share stories of myself being vulnerable and authentic in order to help others realize the value of doing the same.
The power that being vulnerable with others holds is incredible. When we hold back, we do so because we are afraid and ashamed of what others will think of us. As someone who struggles with people-pleasing, showing up as my true authentic self is incredibly hard. Part of me wants to show up as 100% of my true authentic self while the other part of me wants to “play it safe” and be who I think I need to be in order to feel accepted by those around me. I have found when I show up at work as, myself with all my flaws, at the end of the day I am filled with joy and excitement from the conversations and interactions that I have had. When I show up, trying to be this “perfect employee” who doesn’t make any mistakes, answers every email the same day they were received, and says yes to everything in fear that by saying no I will disappoint others – I end the day exhausted both physically and mentally.
In the book, Brené breaks down 10 Guideposts that are the daily practices of wholehearted living. I am not done with the book yet but Guidepost 2 (how we let go of perfection and cultivate self-compassion) hit me pretty hard as this is where I tend to struggle the most especially in the workplace. I self-sabotage by being a pleaser and hyper achiever – both having this underlying fear and shame of not being worthy without success or accomplishments.
I call the ways I self-sabotage, the perfect employee. Giving it this name has helped me personify these emotions and helped me work through them. For example, I took Friday and Monday off for a mini-vacation and came back to work on Tuesday with an overflowing inbox. Rather than signing on at 8 am to answer emails and getting super overwhelmed as I typically do when I come back from vacation, I spent my morning reading Brené’s book, signed on at 9 am, and answered my emails in an “email block” I set aside prior to going on vacation. In that chunk of time, I got back to a good handful of customers but didn’t empty my inbox. I then went on a 45-minute walk outside that I had also set time aside for as I have learned that to re-charge I need to move outdoors. I came back after my walk with a clear mind and finished responding to the rest of my unread emails in my second “email block”. On top of these email blocks, I had 3 customer-facing calls + 2 internal calls which alone can be enough to exhaust me but it is 5 pm now and I feel accomplished and not mentally or physically drained which is the first time I think I have ever felt this way after coming back to work from a vacation.
So what made this time so different – I set aside time to get work done and in those two blocks, my only focus was replying to emails. I also set aside some time for self-care in the form of a walk. I know the first day back from vacation can be hard on my mental health so I did something I knew would recharge my batteries. I followed Guidepost 2 and let go of this idea of perfection that I needed to respond to everyone immediately and cultivated self-compassion. I did what I could and treated myself with kindness knowing that the first day back from vacation has typically always been extra stressful and overwhelming for me.
I look forward to reading the rest of this book, Gifts of Imperfection, as I haven’t felt this inspired in a while and I hope that by me sharing my stories through this blog, I can inspire at least one other person in the same way Brené has done for me!
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