Suicide is the worst and if you have ever lost someone to this, I am sending you lots of love. 6 years ago today, I lost a classmate of mine, and still to this day, I think of him.
We both were in Freshman Seminar together. In that class, we had to write about an event in our life that impacted who we identify as today. I wrote about how I was a bully when I was younger but, it was due to my friendship insecurities. He wrote about this out-of-control party he had after senior prom where he realized how strong his leadership skills are.
One night freshman year, I got too drunk at a party and threw up in some random townhouse bathroom. I was so embarrassed and immediately sobered up. I remember wanting to go home but, I didn't want to cut my friends' night short by having them walk me home. I took a swig of the mouthwash that was on the sink and left the bathroom in shame.
The first person I ran into after exiting the bathroom, was him. He noticed I was upset and immediately started to work on making me feel better. We talked about our freshman essays for the seminar and talked about how much better off we were from the experiences we wrote about. He made me feel so supported and seen that the shame I felt previously had felt melted away.
Senior year, he died of suicide and it broke my heart. We hadn't been super close after freshman year, but we still chatted and caught up when we ran into each other in the hallways or at parties. He had such an incredible personality that he could brighten up a whole room. As a community, school, and grade we all mourned our loss together and only became closer to one another.
I miss him a lot because I experienced firsthand the impact I know he was capable of creating. I wish he had let people know the level of pain he was feeling so that someone could have helped him, in the way that I know he helped so many others. I say this because I do this too. I tell people I am okay or had a great day when I didn't. I pretend I am alright so I don't feel like a burden to others with my issues.
Someone very special to me recently gave me this perspective that I wanted to share. What you might see as a burden, might not be how the other person sees it. You need to let them decide if it’s too much for them to handle. We should all be able to express ourselves to those we trust, and also set boundaries to let someone know if their stuff is too much for us in that moment.
This is it. This is the message I want people to take away from me this month because asking for help can save a life.
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