Lately, the universe and I have been vibing together. For the past few months, and last week in particular I have been exploring the possibility of me having autism. It would explain a lot in my life if I were to have it. Anyways, Saturday, I went to an INCREDIBLE beach yoga class with my new favorite instructor! Post yoga class, after feeling so zen and in tune with my body and mind. On my drive home, I ended up behind this car (see below). Talk about an in-your-face kind of sign. I am taking this as the universe telling me, "Yes you are autistic, and knowing that changes nothing about who you are". I am letting this obsession of trying to understand myself on this level go, and trusting that things will be okay.
My second universe message wasn't as cool but was still something I needed to hear. At work last week, someone started a chat in our women's ERG slack group about menstrual pain and how it impacts so many women at work, and yet no one talks about it. Many women spoke up and shared their stories and experiences which warmed my soul in the best kind of way. It's such a beautiful experience being a part of such a safe community like the women's group at Movable Ink. In that group I ended up sharing my experience with PMDD. I received multiple messages from other women who have it or might have it, but didn't know it existed. I also received an incredible message from a woman who I chatted with a while back about my PMDD. She had seen one of my Linkedin posts about it and wanted to chat more with me as she realized this might be what she has been dealing with. She did end up having it and our conversation lead her down a path with answers she had been searching for. To add to this earlier that morning, I reached out to these 2 women who were looking for guests on their ADHD podcast and mentioned how I would love to share my ADHD story which heavily involves PMDD, as I was diagnosed with PMDD and then ADHD shortly after. There is a big correlation between women who have ADHD and PMDD and my doctor was so incredibly helpful in educating me on this. My ADHD diagnosis gave me so many answers and explanations. For so much of my life, I felt crazy, lazy, stupid, and clumsy to only find out my brain is on a different operating system so I need to give myself grace and find ways to design my life in a way that works for me. Anyways, they want me to come and share my story on their podcast which is so super cool! I am looking forward to getting my story out there to help even more women. So you might be asking - where is the sign in this? While I was once again driving home from yoga... PMDD hit me like a bag of bricks over the head. Instantly, my mood flipped so drastically, my brain felt like the world was ending, and my body didn't want to do anything but sit in the shower (yes, sit in the shower). I also have been struggling to get my Adderall prescription filled thanks to the shortage which has only made me feel less in control so with this and my PMDD, my world felt like it was crashing down on me. I took my shower which helped, talked to my therapist, cried a bit and then pulled a card from my spirit junkie deck. All my clients know this deck, but for those who don't it is a deck of cards with inspirational messages on them. I usually shuffle it around and then stop when it feels right. Whatever card is on top I flip over and that's what I need to hear! Tonight's card - I celebrate my progress, awareness, not perfection is the goal. WELP - the universe KNEW I needed that one. A little over a year ago, I had no idea what PMDD even was. About 6 months ago, I finally found a medication that helps reduce my symptoms. About 3 months ago, I finally felt like I was able to predict when it is coming (or at least estimate). This month it caught me off guard which is a great reminder that I am still working on this but, I am getting better. When I spoke out about my PMDD in the slack group, I did it without any reservation or shame. I felt empowering and impactful because I know it was hearing stories of other women's PMDD experiences that helped me better understand my own.
I am not perfect when it comes to my PMDD, even though I would love to be. If I could know exactly when it was coming and have a magic pill that would alleviate all my symptoms I would be thrilled! I don't think there is any kind of perfection when it comes to the human body, as much as we all can dream about it. The body and mind have their own way of working and always will so by focusing on my progress and awareness of how far I have come with this stupid disorder, I am able to give myself a little more compassion and grace and I think that's what the universe is telling me with this silly little card.
Call me crazy with all of this "signs from the universe" shit but I swear if you get quiet enough, you too will start to pick up on what the universe is trying to tell you. You just have to be willing to listen.
Comments