Growing up I had zero issues making friends but keeping them was a big struggle for me. My mom used to joke with me that I would come home each school year with a new group of friends. I was never the girl who had a group of girlfriends who stuck together since elementary school and for the longest time, I thought that I was a really bad friend because of this. How could my peers have friendships that lasted so long into their futures?
Planning a wedding has brought A LOT of this back to light for me. Gotta love it when an old wound gets poked at constantly! Anyways, when you’re planning a wedding, friendships come up a whole lot. Questions get asked about which friends will be included in the wedding party, which friends will be invited to the wedding, which friends will be at the bachelorette party, and which friends will attend?!
On top of trying to answer all of those questions, my fiancé happens to be “Mr. Mayor” as in he is friends with everyone! It’s an incredible trait that I love and admire so much. He has several groups of guy friends he is part of and is always texting in multiple group chats. He never has a weekend where he doesn’t have some sort of plans with friends, it's honestly quite impressive.
With wedding planning, I have found myself trapped in the comparison game when it comes to my friendships vs his, which has only made me feel worse about my friendship insecurities. Just to give you an idea, Mr. Mayor aka my fiancé has 20 guys going to his bachelor party which is amazing and so fitting for who he is! He is going to have a blast and I can't wait to hear all about it.
I, on the other hand, couldn’t be more different when it comes to my bachelorette party. I have 8 friends coming to mine (10 - if I count my sisters). I also have friends coming to my bachelorette that I have never met in person... I already know what you’re probably thinking... what do you mean?! Yes, I have friends that I haven’t ever met in person!
Since working from home, I have turned to the internet to build connections and community and in doing so, I met my coach and now coaching manager, Alli. Alli helped me realize that you don't have to spend time in person with someone to be their friend. Friendship doesn't have a "correct" or "right" look.
Alli is someone I have never met in person, but she is an amazing friend of mine, so much so that I now work for her coaching business! In Alli's program, I met Cara, another friend of mine who I have not met in person yet, she and I have had some of the most heartfelt deep conversations I have ever had with a friend. She is someone I can turn to and she just gets it - it's so beautiful! Alli and Cara helped me realize that my definition of friendship was outdated and needed to be revisited and revised.
So here's my new definition: when it comes to friends, I want to be surrounded by people who want to get deep and personal. I want to be friends with people who are actively trying to become a better version of themselves. I want to be friends with people who aren't afraid to get vulnerable and talk about real shit - like what actually keeps us up at night. I want to be friends with people who genuinely care about me and are invested in my journey, coaching, and life. I want to be friends with people who have the same or similar values as me.
My friendship definition doesn't include how often we talk, how long we have known each other, or how much time we spend together in person because I have learned that those things don't matter to me.
love this card because this is it - my new definition
Two years ago, if you had asked me what friendship looks like in my life it wouldn't be the definition above. That definition would have been driven by my insecurities of not being someone who has that big giant group of childhood girlfriends. Today, I am grateful that my definition has changed and even more appreciative for the friends that I have made this year. These women have taught me that friendship is not a black-and-white thing. Friendship is so much more complex and for that lesson, I feel so incredibly lucky and grateful for the friends I do have!
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