A year ago, my life felt like it was falling apart. I lost my job in September, and in November, my therapist of three years started her own private practice, leaving me without access to her on TalkSpace. Then, in December, I lost my health insurance, which made it impossible to continue working with her privately. I was at rock bottom.
After a few weeks without therapy, I knew I needed mental health support again. The feelings of loss, confusion, grief, and rejection were overwhelming as I continued my job search unemployed. So, I sat down, looked at my unemployment checks, and did the math to see if I could afford therapy out of pocket. I’d be covered by my husband’s insurance starting in January, but only after a $500 deductible — a cost I couldn’t afford. Still, I knew I had to try, as my mental health was slipping.
I contacted my former therapist to discuss joining her private practice, and we scheduled a call to work out the details. It may sound trivial, but I took that call from my car in a Target parking lot. There I was, sitting in my car, anxious about buying essentials like toilet paper on my limited budget, and suddenly I was learning just how much therapy would cost without insurance. Mental health care in this country is ridiculously expensive, but that’s an issue for a different day!
I didn’t know how I’d make the payments work, but I booked the first available appointment in the new year, which happened to fall on my 29th birthday. Seemed like a good sign from the universe! Despite my worries about affording basic needs, I felt a small wave of hope. And for the first time in a long time, I felt things might actually get better.
Lately, I’ve been feeling incredibly anxious about this election. There’s so much at stake, especially for women’s rights - I am scared. I am lucky to live in a blue state but it is still terrifying to know and see how many people in this country are filled with hate.
Today, I went back to that same Target, and while I was there, I felt that same small wave of hope. If things worked out when I was at rock bottom before, why couldn’t they again?
I don’t have a lot of hope right now, but I’m holding onto what little I can find as November 5th approaches. There is so much in this life we cannot control and that makes me furious and frustrated (Capricorn energy I know…) but it’s the little glimmers of hope that can guide us through these uncertain times.
I’ll end this post with the last words my therapist shared with me on TalkSpace, which helped me through that difficult time. If you feel like I am, maybe they’ll help you too: “Use your skills, take space when you need it, set boundaries around topics you don’t want to discuss, remember to text a friend for support, and keep expressing gratitude every day.”
Now, go vote if you haven’t already! 🗳️
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